Who am I?

Day 1 of the Vulnerability Challenge: Who am I?

When I was sixteen I got my fortune read by a machine outside a hairdressers.  You told it things like your birthday and favourite colour and it would print out things that impressionable sixteen year olds want to hear. Things like: if you can find the discipline to harness all the aspects of your personality, there’s nothing you can’t achieve.

I didn’t realise it until just now but I’ve carried that with me ever since.  Despite crippling self doubt and insecurity throughout my adult life, I’ve held onto the sense that I could change things, that everyone has a secret super power and when I found mine I’d change the world.  

I’ve stopped being ashamed of wanting that or afraid of what people might think… that I’m idealistic, arrogant, delusional.

I’m a recovering people pleaser.

I’m equal parts Elizabeth Bennet, Jason Bourne and Miss Piggy

My heart breaks over tiny acts of bravery like a worm trying to cross the tarmac after it’s been raining. I’m the weird woman in the park who carries a small stick to ferry each one across to the other side… a worm lollipop lady.

At the lowest points of my life, the one thing that has saved me is the indestructible belief that every life matters

I have soaring self confidence that I can do anything one minute then feel completely inadequate the next. I used to wonder if this was a cause for concern. But the more I hear about other people’s experiences, the more I think it’s a sign of being human.

I’m a fascinated explorer of human being-ness and tell stories about the things I find.  I believe that when we discover the untold treasures inside us, we’ll have the power to heal everything we’ve broken and properly look after all the precious things that need care to thrive.  

I love comfort and I’m afraid of stepping outside my comfort zone.  But I know that it’s the only way to become who I want to be.  I care less about getting what I want and more about who I need to become to get it.  I want to go on that journey.

I’m also more afraid of success than of failure… I’m weird.  I’m ok with being weird.

I’m a pirate with the ocean in her soul, a philosopher with poetry in her heart and a lazy beach bum whose only aim in life is to create the perfect caipirinha.  

Photo by Ibrahim Asad on Pexels.com

Full disclosure: I had a headstart on this question because of the stratospherically high level coaching I had earlier this year with badass coach, Gareth Davies from The Bravest Path.  Thank you, Gareth!

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. ironicus15 says:

    Like this piece – you have a nice turn of phrase and instinct for original imagery – but what is a caipirinha and who is Jason Bourne? My ignorance I know but, well, thought I’d ask. L

    Sent from Samsung Mobile on O2


    1. Shâo says:

      Thank you for your comments… they’re always interesting and encouraging. Jason Bourne is a rogue CIA agent with amnesia on a mission to uncover his true identity and a caipirinha is a cachaca (like rum) based cocktail (lots of crushed ice and lime… still working on the best recipe).


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