Love the people who say ‘you can’t’

Yesterday I excitedly told a friend my BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal). He said it couldn’t be done. So I got more intense and evangelical and he valiantly pretended to agree with me so that I’d stop.

And to my surprise (and my friend’s relief) I did stop… I stopped trying to convince him of the worthiness of my mission. Because I realised that it’s not on other people to believe in what you believe in. It’s not on your mother, your partner, your sister, even your best friend.

It’s on you.

When someone doubts you, they’re not holding you back… they’re helping you. They’re giving you an excuse to abandon your audacious plan. They’re giving you permission to fail… to say, ‘it didn’t work because nobody supported me. It’s not my fault.’

Using other people as an excuse for not trying is your fault. It’s on you that you said “ok” when other people said “you can’t”. It will be on you a decade from now when you’re in exactly the same unfulfilling job / relationship / longing / frustration / pain.

It’s on you if you say, “I guess I’m meant to be mediocre. I guess I’m no one special.”

The one thing I know for certain about doing something you really believe in, deep in the marrow of your bones, is that almost everyone in the world will ignore it / avoid it / actively hate it.

So you choose: you decide to get into a serious relationship with your huge crazy dream or you wait for approval. You put stuff out there so that the people who are waiting for it can see it and find it and love it too or you hide it so that it never sees the light of day.

Show up.

Take that thing you want to do that you’re not telling anyone about because you think it’s silly or frivolous or crazy and, whatever it is, your love for it will make the person you want to be show up fully, gloriously (scared out of your tiny mind!).

At the heart of the reason for starting this blog was the need to show up. No matter what. Even if no one was ever going to read it. Even when it was the last thing I wanted to do. Because it was about doing my best, working towards my dream every day.

My dream doesn’t care if there are other things to do or if my inner critic is being mean. It won’t take any crap from me. I show up to it or I don’t. I do my best or I make excuses. And every day it knows whether I chose to say ‘I can’ or I can’t’. ‘I will’ or ‘I won’t support your journey into the world.’

Love the people who say you can’t as much as the people who know you can because this isn’t about them. You knowing you’re important enough to dream for and show up for every single day is who it’s about.

Now let’s kick some ass!

Photo by Lennart kcotsttiw on

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