Does your future know who you are?

It’s vulnerability Saturday! Even though what I said 2 weeks ago left me with a monstrous vulnerability hangover, I’ve decided to develop masochism… I mean resilience, and do it again! (what am I thinking??!)

That post made me realise that I’ve been making excuses… big ones.

An excuse is the bond you create between your present and the worst story of your past to stop you from moving forward. You blame isolation in the past for loneliness in the present. You blame betrayal in the past for losing confidence in what you have now.

And it turns out that I went even further… while I seemed to be blaming a guy in the past for avoiding trusting now, what I was really doing was avoiding messing up again… in any area of my life. At all. Ever.

I’ll say it again so my inner perfectionist knows I see how sneaky it’s been… if I’ve been hiding, only half showing up in my life, my relationships, my business, that’s not on my past or my childhood or some guy who didn’t know how to communicate properly.

That’s on me.

I’m allowed to blame my battered confidence for playing it safe. I’m allowed to blame a violent man for my decision to avoid taking risks again. But if I do that, I’m letting an old story live my life. And in the end I’ll know that I chose to carry around shame instead of owning it and shining a big, embarrassing light on it so that I can’t use it as an excuse for not showing up any more.

Don’t make excuses. Make things happen. Make changes. Then make history.

Doug Hall

This post is a risk. I already half hope no one will read it. But then today would be the same as yesterday and I’d be telling the future that I chose comfort over change, transformation, evolution. That I chose not to set a higher standard for the level of discomfort that I’m willing to take to make me completely accountable.

I have a vision of a world where, no matter what has happened to them, people “turn [their] story into a powerful force for change in [their] own life and inspiration for others in theirs”. I can only do that with any integrity if I do it too.

We can only make history if we stop making excuses.

We can only make the future if we tell it who we are.

Looking myself in the eye and taking away all my excuses

(I hate all selfie related media so this video is a strong commitment to stepping out of my comfort zone, owning my shame and removing my excuses. Now my future knows who I am. Join me! If you want your future to know who you are, post your own video!)

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. Banna Kotze says:

    Goeie dag ‘hidden mysterious’ Shao, and Dankie by Dankie for your reply. I liked your try in Afrikaans. South Africa will welcome you and ‘Mini trainee pirate’ with open arms.
    Both of you are a credit not just to your race but to the human race.
    Your blog today had half the women in a township I was going through visibly shook as they gathered around my device to read and see you. I am going to be brutal and honest. Your blog today and the link to one a couple of weeks ago falls on the same day I met ‘Mini trainee pirate’ for the first time. Never in my life have I been so moved in encountering someone and then 2 weeks later be so moved by someone else I have not met.
    How you know of ‘Mini trainee pirate’ is one thing but I know you should have him as a huge part of your life, if not in your life. This is the first time I have ever said something like this. You could go another 20 years and not encounter someone like him. As for the ‘Vuil Siek Dier’ and ‘Hartelose Dier’ who did violence against you, if this had happened here in the townships, he would receive street justice.
    Shao, I commend you and salute you.


    1. Shâo says:

      Dankie by Dankie for taking the time to comment, Banna. Everyone has been through difficult times but painful experiences create pirates and pirates go on adventures that change the world! I wish you luck on your adventures too! Totsiens


  2. Charlene Macy says:

    Hello Shao,
    I hope you are feeling better after doing this shockingly revealing post. You had me and my mum in silence for 15 minutes because we didn’t know what to say. You are brave, smart, stunningly beautiful and an inspiration. After reading yesterday’s compelling comments I felt now is my turn. I also met the ‘Mini trainee pirate’ at UPW in London. I am the lady who waved at you and blew you a kiss when you was on the Skype or WhatsApp video chat when Will I am was doing his DJ set, I was behind ‘Mini trainee pirate’ wearing the gold dress.
    I agree with everything the gentleman on the other comment said about the ‘ Mini trainee pirate’. His passion for everything showed. I asked him about you and he made everyone laugh by saying “she is so f****** mysterious, she is like the silent assassin of the blog world” He showed me a few of your posts but the one you did on the day when i saw you on the video chat had me reaching for the kleenex, not to clear the tears on my eyes, I had to clear the tears in his eyes. No way would I be reading anything if it wasn’t for him. I say that the comment a few days ago with the lady in the disabled toilets, I am sure it has to be ‘ ‘Mini trainee pirate’ that helped her. About 12,000 people there and other people from other events, it could only be him that confronted the lady and the disabled toilets make sense as well. Can you please please please tell him thank you for listening to me on that weekend, my abusive ex threw lighter fluid over the lower half of my body and ‘mini trainee pirate’ has put my mind in a place where I can hold my head high by telling me all the women in the world are special because it is only we that can create a new born life. I wish I could marry him tomorrow, he is such a sweetheart.
    Lots of love


    1. Shâo says:

      Thank you for taking the time to comment, Charlene. Your gold dress was fierce! Your experience with your ex sounds horrific. Only someone with deep power inside can grow from and out of something like that. I will pass on your proposal to mini trainee pirate!


  3. suzanna Ellison says:

    Thanks for your kind words the other day. My kids always run around but while listening to your video, they were silent as a door mouse. Your post today has reminded me of what the gentleman said to me when he caught me doing substance abuse, only because there is no smell when taking it.
    He said every person has their own issue but you do not see everyone deliberately trying to kill themselves in an arena with thousands of people in the same building or anywhere else. I am doing my exercises everyday, eating healthy and now my husband takes the children to nursery and school. Most importantly we talk everyday about anything.
    Thank you for being you. Oh yeah. I still love that gentleman.


    1. Shâo says:

      Thank you for taking the time to comment, Suzanna. It sounds like you’ve still got the fire and using it to make your life better. You are everything you admire.


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